My Struggle For Balance

All my life I have struggled to find balance. As a teenager I either practically ate nothing in order to lose weight, or I gave up in despair and ate whatever I wanted to. As a housewife I find myself in a constant struggle for balance as well. Im either religiously making charts and lists or I am sitting on the couch staring at the tornado mess and only thinking about what I might make for dinner (never actually making it). I am such an all or nothing person -- not good! However, I am really trying to change that! If I can just maintain a balance in housework, cooking, schooling, studying and eating I would be doing really well.

So a few weeks ago I began one of my obsessive trails and started studying and studying and studying and studying the Jewish people, their history, their practices, their laws, their beliefs and just everything about them. I always knew I was adopted into the family of YHWH (God) but I just had never really learned anything about my adoptive family. Well that was about to drastically change! I was blessed to meet some well educated and authentic people who shared more info with me and I was also blessed with some websites and of course studying the Scriptures and seeking what YHWH was saying to me. I learned SO much! The renewed love I had for Israel and the Jewish people was amazing. Their feasts (the Biblical ones) were rich with history and symbolisims that honored the Messiah. Their idea of the Sabbath really pulled me in as they were so reverent and made an entire day out of it -- unlike us (Gentiles) who go to church for two hours on a Sunday and then walk out the doors and go back to life as usual. I was really prompted to make more of an effort to celebrate the Biblical feasts this year (and Lord willing we will) and to celebrate Shabbat (Sabbath) in a new way and really set apart a DAY for YHWH, not a few hours. However, as with anything there needs to be balance and I could quickly find myself sinking into that all or nothing, unbalanced feeling. I realized very quickly that there were man mad laws that only promoted legalism and then there were God's laws, that when followed actually bring about freedom. I still have so much to study and to pray over. I ask YHWH to lead me every day. I started learning the names for God in Hebrew, which one of them is YHWH and also the name for Jesus, which is Yeshua. Just being able to say His literally Hebrew name in my prayers made my time with Him seem even more precious and more special. The more I studied the Jewish people (which were the first Christians in the New Testament), the more I began to realize that we as Believers are the church. The "church" is not a building! (more on that subject with the next post)

My walk with YHWH has grown only deeper in these past few weeks. I have been able to sort out man made laws vs. God laws. I know many Christians believe that the Messiah brought us a law free gospel and I think that is a grave error to make. While I believe that salvation is through faith alone and by grace -- that does not mean that we live whatever life we want to as followers of the Messiah. We are told that we shall know them (followers of the Messiah) by their fruit! And for those who believe that the Messiah came to do away with the law of the OT -- I would differ. I believe that He fulfilled the law and honestly made an even stricter law in the New Testament. Over and over again the Messiah quoted an OT law and re-defined it making it even more strict. (Matt 5:17-48; 6:1-4, 16-18; 7:12) The Bible says that unless our righteousness exceeds the Pharisees (Matt 5:20a).. I believe this is referring to the fact that the Pharisees followed all the outward letters of the law, but had all sorts of evil internal things like hate, lust, jealousy. We cannot just obey the outward commands, but the re-defined NT inward commands.

I have sadly seen so many "Christians" look so beautiful on the outside, but then be stinking and rotting on the inside. They go to "church" on Sunday, wear skirts only, listen to only hymns, dont go to movie theaters, dont go to stores on Sunday.. etc. While they do all these things and they appear wonderful, they are full of hate, envy, bitterness, gossip and malice inside. I do not think this pleases our Messiah. The life the Messiah has called us to lead is not an easy one. He said in Matt 7:13-14, "Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few."

So for now I am feeling like balance is coming back into my life. I continue to heed Timothy's admonition in 1 Timothy 6:13-14, "I charge you therefore in the presence of God, who gives life to all good things, and of Christ Jesus, who in his testimony before Pontius Pilate made the good confession, to keep the commandment unstained and free from reproach until the appearing of our Lord Jesus Christ."

I close with these Scriptures....

2 Timothy 3:12-14, "Indeed, all those desire to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted, while evil people and impostors will go on from bad to worse, deceiving and being deceived. But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have firmly believed, know from whom you have learned it." (ESV)

2 Timothy 3:16-17, "All scripture is breathed out by God and is profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction and for training in righteousness. that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work." (ESV)

2 Timothy 4:1-5, "I charge you in the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who is to judge the living and the dead, and by His appearing and his kingdom: preach the word; be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, and exhort, with complete patience and teaching. For the time is coming when people will not endure sound teaching, but having itching ears they will accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own passions, and will turn away from listening to the truth and wander off into myths. As for you, always be sober-minded, endure suffering, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry." (ESV)