Sacred Parenting

So its been awhile since I posted something and I knew I was long over due. I have been so busy with homeschooling, studying my doula stuff, keeping house, trying to get my Mary Kay buisness going and so many other things I haven't had a chance to sit down and share some of what God has been teaching me these past few weeks. I have been learning many valuable lessons but that one I wanted to share today is from a Bible study I am attending called, "Sacred Parenting".

I dont know how many mothers are like me, but when it comes to my children praying for their safety and protection has always been a top priority. I have never really and truly prayed for their spiritual maturity and character. Sure I have said, "Lord I pray they grow to love and serve you", but that was the extent of my prayers for their spiritual condition. I was too busy focusing on their protection and their comfort in this life. The book, Sacred Parenting, has been an a real eye opener for me and I have only read the first two chapters. One passage that really stuck out to me was this. "If our kids never hurt; if they never sin but are only "sick"; if they never fail but just get "cheated" by an unfair coach, teacher, principal, and so on - they will never sense their need for a savior. They will always take Adam's lame approach, blaming someone else for their own spiritual failing. Yes, it hurts us when our kid's hurt, but it devastates our kids' eternal perspective far more when we hide their need for a savior. Our hardest hurt may actually be their most important hurt. What a tragic loss if the hurt we spare ourselves is bought at the price of our childrens salvation". This passage really spoke volumes to me. I was reminded what the heavenly Father went through when He allowed His son to go through intense suffering and to ultimately die on the cross for the salvation of mankind. How hard as a parent to watch your child suffer, but yet knowing the greater future good choosing not to spare him from the pain and suffering.

Here is the sobering truth that I learned. If God allowed his own Son to suffer - and He is our model as a parent -- we can expect times when we will have to watch our children suffer for a greater good. Its spritiual cowardice to shield our children from difficulty and suffering, the very things that temper us. Romans 5:3 says, "We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perserverance; perserverance, character; and character, hope". If we never let our kids face difficult times, they'll never become strong enough to make a difference in a very cruel world.

"We cannot feel unmoved watching our children suffer, yet living in a fallen world ensures that they will. So whats the alternative? We parents can be so conscientious, so concerned, and so seemingly caring that we inadvertantly raise overly soft boys and spoiled girls. Spared from any real pain, kept hidden from real sacrifice, removed from any real sense of loss, they grow up without any sense of the agony Jesus experienced on the cross. And if you remove the cross from Christianity, all that remains is some wise moral teaching not terribly different from any other religion. In the name of sparing our children these difflclties, in reality we are trying to spare ourselves the hurt of seeing them hurt".

I am learning so much and God is revealing so many things to me. I am realizing that sacred parenting calls me to accept the hardest hurt of all -- for the sake of God's kingdom and for the sake of my chilren's own development. I need to allow my kids to face challenges, failure, rejection, and pain, and then teach them how to use these seemingly negative events to fuel their sense of mission and to foster their dependence on God.

The Power Of Forgiveness

Wow, so these past few weeks of my life and have been a challenge to say the least. Its easier to tell someone else to forgive then to actually have to practice forgiving someone. A dear friend of mine shared an article with me on forgiveness and it really impacted me in a positive way. I wanted to share just a small facet of what spoke to me the most.

I never realized the King David had felt the pain of a friend's betrayal. In Psalm 55he pours his heart out to God about this. In our stuggle to forgive we are not alone! Our Father is with us. We can actually come to a place of experiencing personal peace over a once-overwhelming heartache. And we can forgive. When we forgive someone who has truly wronged us, we take part in a miracle! Forgiving is a miracle; it is love's greatest work. When you forgive a person who hurt you deeply and unfairly, you are performing a miracle that has no equal! In the act of forgiving, our character is changed. We become more like Christ, and we bestow the blessing of mercy to others. Forgiveness is essential if we want to be forgiven of God. We pray the Lords prayer say, "forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us". We are asking God to forgive us to the same degree that we forgive others. Matthew 6:14-15 says, "If you forgive men when they sin against you, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins." This is very serious.. we must forgive others!

Why is this act of forgiving so difficult? Because it conflicts with both our fallen nature and our fallen sense of "justice". Our fallen nature wants to hold onto hurts, keeping them tightly sealed so they can fester and grow and create bitterness. Our fallen sense of "justice" wants to put down the offender as evil, sick, or depraved and to reap vengeance on him in "righteous" anger. These two fallen senses battle with our need to forgive, and make the act of forgiving very hard.

Forgiveness is essential for four reasons. First, it is the commandment of Christ for His followers. If we call ourselves Christians, we must forgive. Second, it is a necesarry component for lasting and honest relationships. If we are the body of Christ, and members of one another, our relationships have to take top priority! Right relationships are forgiving relationships. Third, it is in the character of God which is love. If we are to grow in godliness, we need to impart Christlike forgiveness. Lastly, we ourselves need to be healed of the hurt inside us. Holding on to hurts, creating bitterness, putting the offender down and being angry destroys us. To withhold forgiveness harms no one but ourselves!

Putting the offense in proper Godly perspective can help. No one has been more wronged than Jesus Christ. No one has been more personally hurt, more betrayed by a friend, or more denied by those closest to Him. Remembering the forgiveness Jesus freely gave can strengthen us to forgive. Forgiving is something we do regardless of the offender does. Reconcilliation is possible only when both parties come together to resolve an offense, but forgiveness is a solitary act. It is done by us alone. Reconcilliation involves brothers; forgiveness involves one person. Reconcilliation is a work of unity; forgiveness is an individual decision. Forgiveness must take place in our hearts, even if we never acheive reconcilliation with our brother. The truth is, we must forgive the person that offended us, whether he apologizes or not. True forgiveness is not dependent on anything.

A helpful mental process is to seperate the person from the hurt he caused, and let it go. In doing so begin to see the person differently: not so much as evil, but as under the influence of Evil; Not so much as wicked, but as weak and fallible. Remember we are weak and fallible to!

And so we forgive, as God in Christ forgave us. Freely, sincerely and completely. No matter how hard it may be. No matter how long it takes. Whether the person apologizes or not. Regardless of the person's willingness to be reconcilled with us. Without excusing the sin, but bodly facing it and releasing it as "against" our brother or sister. We forgive. When we have truly forgiven, we have performed a miracle.

This is my prayer today and every day.. "Lord help me to walk in this kind of true forgiveness, not matter how hard it may be. Build my character, help me to share in your sufferings so I may be more like You! Amen"

An Appointed Time For Everything

So I haven't written in awhile on my blog. So much has happened and I had so much to think through and reflect upon. I can now see more clearly. A friend of mine mentioned the book of Ecclesiates to me and I read some of chapter 3 and was reminded that there truly is a season for everything. I would like to quote the verses that have meant something to me.

"There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven. A time to give birth, and a time to die; a time to plant and a time to uproot what was planted. A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to tear down, and a time to build up. A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance. A time to throw stones, and a time to gather stones; a time to embrace, and a time to shun embracing. A time to search, and a time to give up as lost; a time to keep, and a time to throw away. A time to tear apart, and a time to sew together; a time to be silent. and a time to speak. A time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace". Ecclesiates 3:1-8

These verses really spoke to me these past two weeks. I realized that there truly is a time for everything and that everything can't go as I plan or would like it to go. I lost two very dear childhood friends... lost in the sense that they cut me out of their lives... I dealt with anger and bitterness for the years I had "wasted" on their friendships. I felt resentful for allowing them to walk into my life and heart and then let them rip me to pieces. I thought these were God fearing women.. who loved the Lord with all their heart.. who would do the right thing. But we are all human.. who am I to judge. My season to weep, mourn, be torn down and have stones thown at was upon me. I longed for the days of dancing, laughing, being built up and picking up the stones with them... but recently I have embraced my season. Now is my season for peace and not war, for healing not killing, for giving up as lost and for love, not hate. This journey has not been an easy one.. but it has taught me so much and caused me to grow even deeper in my relationship with the Lord. I have realized that I dont "need" anyone to complete my life, make it more fun, more fulfilling.. I just need Him! Its been an awesome lesson and one I just wanted to share with others.

Psalm 20

Each day I am in awe how God provides just the right "word" that I need to get through the day. Once again He has proved Himself faithful and when I read Psalm 20 (since it was the 20th of the month) I was encouraged and wanted to share it.

"May the Lord answer you when you are in distress; may the God of Jacob protect you. May he send you help from the sanctuary and grant you support from Zion. May he remember all your sacrifices and accept your burnt offerings. May he give you the desires of your heart and make all your plans succeed. We will shout for joy when you are victorious and will lift up our banners in the name of our God. May the Lord grant all your requests. Now I know that the Lord saves his annointed; he answers them from his holy heaven with the saving power of his right hand. Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God. They are brought to their knees and fall, but we rise up and stand firm. O Lord, save the king! Answer us when we call!"

I know this passage spoke to my heart today and I thought I would share it to encourage others who might be facing discouraging moments.

I Know Who Holds Tomorrow

I dont about tomorrow, I just live from day to day.
I dont borrow from lifes sunshine for its skies may turn to gray.
I dont worry o'er the future, for I know what Jesus said.
And today I'll walk beside him, for He knows what is ahead.

Many things about tomorrow I dont seem to understand,
But I know who holds tomorrow and I know who holds my hand.

Every step is getting brighter, as the golden stairs I climb.
Ev'ry burden's getting lighter, Ev'ry cloud is silver lined.
There the sun is always shining, there no tear will dim the eyes.
At the ending of the rainbow, where the mountains touch the sky.

Many things about tomorrow I dont seem to understand.
But I know who holds tomorrow and I know who holds my hand.

I dont know about tomorrow, it may bring me poverty.
But the One who feeds the sparrow, is the One who stands by me.
And the path that be my portion, may be through the flame or flood.
But His presence goes before me, and I'm covered in His blood.

Many things about tomorrow, I dont seem to understand.
But I know who holds tomorrow and I know who holds my hand.

-- Composed by: Ira Forest Stanphill

Gossip

We all have at some point and time in our lives participated in gossip in some form or another. We are human and so therefore we make mistakes. However, I am saddened by just how often Christian's participate in gossip. I was taught that the definition of gossip is this, "Sharing information with someone (no matter who it is- family member or friend) who is not part of the problem or the solution." I believe there are many times we need someone to bounce our frustrations off of, to hear us out.. etc and although they may not be part of the problem.. they can be a part of the solution by pointing you in the right direction with your frustration or anger. We all need someone who we can talk to and share our burdens, hurts and concerns.. but we dont need a crowd! Proverbs 16:28 says, "A perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip seperates close friends." Proverbs 18:8 says, "The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to a man's inmost parts." Proverbs 26:20 says, "Without wood a fire goes out; without gossip a quarrel dies down." These verses are very clear about God's opinion on gossip. I have seen these verses come to life this week. I must admit it is very hurtful to be on the end of one being gossipped about.. but there is nothing we suffer that God himself has not endured. Even He was riduculed and despised by those who He loved and called "friends". If nothing else this week I have learned how important it is to have friends who are not gossips. I do not want to associate myself with someone who just chatters bad about someone just to feel good or to find others who will make him/her feel good. I want to share my burdens, concerns, frustrations with someone who knows how to point me to Christ. Someone who doesn't just yes me because I am their friend, agree with me because they feel they have no freedom to do anything else.. I want a friend to tell me when there is truth in something and point me to the cross. I also want to be that friend to someone else. I was reminded of the verse in the New Testament which says, "For I am afraid when I come I may not find you as I want you to be, and you may not find me as you want me to be. I fear that there may be quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, factions, slander, gossip, arrogance and disorder", 2 Corinthians 12:20. Even Paul was afraid that is what the church would look like when he came back to it. I pray that we as God's children can walk more closely in His ways and avoid the snares of gossip.

How To Have That Difficult Conversation (Part 2)

Here is the continuation of my previous post.....

6. Be specific. Using specific examples can help a person become aware she has a problem. If it is a significant problem, you will in all likelihood be able to come up with many examples that can illustrate both that the person does have the problem and that it negatively affects her life and relationships. When you use specific examples, approach the person anticipating that at first she is likely to be open to what you have to show her. Give her the benefit of the doubt. Often a goodhearted person will be suprised at seeing evidence of a problem. Sometimes she will even be remorseful, feeling bad about the effects of her actions. These types of responses are good indicators that the person is taking the specifics to heart and will do something to resolve the issue. Even if the person proves to be more resistant, however, dont avoid giving specifics. Specifics can break through the defenses. But if he is invested in not realizing or admitting his problem, you will need to not only use specifics, but also address the underlying resistance.

7. Make the person aware of the effects. Part of helping someone know what he is doing is making him aware of the effects of his behavior. This approach helps change your confrontation from an abstraction to something more personal and real; the problem does not exsist in a vacuum. Often, when a person finds out he is hurting himeself and others, it touches him at a heart level. You are showing him what he is doing in the context of his life and relationships. This might include your concerns about both the present effects and also what could happen in the future if things do not change. There are three areas of effects you can bring up: the effect on him, the effect on you and the effect on others.

8. Request change. When helping a person become aware, make sure you make a request for change. Since she has not realized until now that her behavior or attitude is a problem, she may also not know what to do about it or even if she should do anything. Requesting change helps clarify what is expected and gives her a structure for reestablishing any connection between you and her. A request for change is specific. It also preserves freedom. In other words, it is not a demand; you are aware that the person has a choice. Also, a request should originate from your heart; it needs to be based on your care for and about the other person.

Finally in closing, if the person is aware but sees no need to change this can be discouraging, however you can do some things to help. Make sure you are unambiguous about your concern. You do not want him to be confused or uninformed. Address her lack of concern as a problem in and of itself. Bring up how her lack of interest in changing makes you feel and how it affects the relationship. If she persists in doing nothing, establish limits and boundaries to protect yourself and your family from her problem and to make her responsible for the problem. These elements give you the best possible chance for helping the person. These are hard lines to draw, but they are often the most effective approach. Ask the God who calls us all to help you with the person you are confronting. Remember to act justly, love mercy and walk humbly with your God (Micah 6:8). A quote from this book, "In fact, there is no such thing as a good relationship without confrontation". Remember that confrontation doesn't always go smoothly, and it may not even end "well" - if you define "well" as everyone singing "Kumbayah" and in a love feast. But even when it does not, confrontation can have great value as a start, or even as one of many in a series of conversations a person may receive over time. One day she may experience a breakthrough. And you will have been a part of that "chain of truth".